yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
