It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
