I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
