were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
