What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
