How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
