Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
