i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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