Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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