So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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