Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize