You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
