I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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