Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
