No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
