Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
