i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Im part way to drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
