I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
