The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want nice things and good sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
