clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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