Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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