you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
