Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
