Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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