So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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