I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
