# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
