smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
