remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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