It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize