I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
