My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
