Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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