listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
