hell yes lets make some ravioli
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
