We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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