I've blown a few things in my day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
