Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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