I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
