First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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