ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
