Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
