A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
