Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
