The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
