Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
