im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
