Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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