happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
