Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize