i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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