I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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