I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
