I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
