My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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