and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
