Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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