You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
