Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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