no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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