you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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