Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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