What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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