Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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