3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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