I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
