He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
