did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
