I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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